Choose Yourself

again, and again, and again, and again....

There was a point in my life where I genuinely thought I wasn’t beautiful enough. I thought maybe I wasn’t pretty enough. Maybe I wasn’t worthy of love. Maybe there was something wrong with me. Not because anyone ever said those words to me, but because nobody was choosing me.

Everybody around me seemed to have a boyfriend. Everybody had someone who liked them. Everybody had stories to tell.

Then there was me. You know those children whose parents always say, “Go to school and read your books”? That was me.

I wasn’t in school for boys. I wasn’t thinking about dating. I was there to study, do well and make my parents proud. If there was an award for minding your business and facing your books, I probably would have won it.

But somehow, even though I wasn’t looking for a relationship, I still noticed that I wasn’t being chosen. And if I’m being honest, it got to me.

I started questioning my self-worth because boys weren’t talking to me. I started wondering if I wasn’t pretty enough or interesting enough. I started comparing myself to girls who seemed to have people constantly choosing them.

Looking back now, I realise how dangerous that place was. Because once you tie your worth to whether someone chooses you, you’re handing someone else the power to decide how you see yourself.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot while watching Love Island USA. One thing I’ve noticed is that almost everybody just wants to be chosen. Not necessarily respected. Not necessarily treated well. Just... chosen.

And before anybody comes for me, I get it. Most of them are under 25. Their frontal lobe isn’t even fully developed yet. I remember what it felt like to be that age. Everything feels so big, and rejection feels even bigger.

Watching Aniya after Casa Amor really made me think. I’m not Team KC, and I’m not Team Aniya either. But I kept asking myself one question. If KC had walked back in and chosen her instead, would everyone have been as angry?

Maybe. Maybe not.

I honestly think a huge part of the hurt came from not being chosen. And that’s something a lot of us can relate to. It doesn’t even have to be about dating.

Sometimes it’s the job you wanted. The opportunity you prayed for. The collaboration that went to someone else. The promotion. The friendship. The invitation. The relationship.

When someone else gets picked, it’s so easy to sit there and ask yourself, “What do they have that I don’t?” I’ve asked myself that question before. More than once. But I’m slowly learning that someone else’s choice is not a measurement of my value.

People choose for different reasons. Sometimes it’s timing. Sometimes it’s compatibility. Sometimes it’s where they are in life. Sometimes it’s because they’re making decisions from their own fears or insecurities. And sometimes, it genuinely has nothing to do with you.

Not being chosen doesn’t automatically mean someone else is better than you. It just means they weren’t your person, your opportunity or your season.

I’m still learning this. I’m learning to be okay with not being chosen every single time. It’s hard. Some days it still stings. Some days I still catch myself wondering if I wasn’t enough. But then I remind myself that my worth cannot keep changing based on other people’s decisions. If I spend my whole life waiting for people to choose me, I’ll never choose myself.

And honestly, the older I get, the more I realise something. Confidence isn’t believing everyone will choose you. It’s knowing you’ll be okay even when they don’t. It’s trusting that someone else’s rejection doesn’t cancel God’s purpose for your life.

It’s understanding that your value doesn’t increase because someone finally notices you, and it doesn’t decrease because someone overlooked you. And honestly, there’s already one choice that settled everything.

Jesus chose me. He chose to die for me. He knew every mistake I would ever make, every insecurity I would ever have, every season where I would question my worth, and He still chose me.

So maybe that’s enough. Actually, no. That is enough.

So if you’re reading this today and you’ve been feeling overlooked or forgotten, or wondering when it’ll finally be your turn, I just want to remind you of something.

Choose yourself. Keep showing up. Keep becoming the person God has called you to be. Don’t reduce your worth to whether somebody picked you. The right people won’t need convincing to see your value.

And until they arrive, don’t spend your life believing you’re any less because someone else couldn’t recognise what God already placed inside of you.

One day, the right opportunities will come. The right friendships will come. The right relationship will come. But until then, don’t sit around waiting for permission to love yourself.

Choose yourself. Every single time.

I’ll see you in the next letter.

With love, Omobolaji